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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Speechless Two, only not so speechless (long)

  Warning: This is a long, totally not quilt related personal post. It's also all over the place, kind of like my mind right now.

  So I went in to the school today to speak with the principle and teachers. The excuse? The boys hadn't admitted the whole story, and huge surprise the speech and cognitively impaired child didn't just articulate what had happened. And why not tell me? Oh they were still "investigating" and had spoken to the FOUR boys parents. Oh and they were going to call me....today?
Now that they have been informed of the severity, they will again call parents, call in the community service officer from the police to talk to them, and not sure what else.   I'll give you they seemed genuinely surprised but not to fully understand the stupidity of their actions.

Ugh. I'm not happy. I don't know what to do or think right now.

We're not finished with this by a long shot. We've still yet to speak to the superintendent, and don't worry I will be filling various complaints as well. We are not going to let this go. I've split my thinking almost, of the incident and the the school's f-up, as two almost separate things, both of which  put Little Bit as a victim.

Little Bit is still afraid to go to school. I'm taking her in tomorrow to visit with her resource teacher. From there Little Bit is going to be the judge whether she stays or comes home. We will be moving soon, or yeah that was good news for another day, and it will now be to a different school district.

I've been promised that any and every incident involving Little Bit will be reported to me to make any judgment calls on, not them.
What else? She's going to meet with the social worker, with me/hubby there.

 I'm furious, sad, hurting, betrayed and beyond being able to trust these people again. I bound 2 wraps trying to block some of this out. I know this is about Little Bit not me but I can't help but feel so much too. And I guess holding it all in so I can be her advocate is stressful but necessary.

How can these people possibly think questioning the suspects without the victim's side of things would possibly arrive at the accurate results??? And because of their complete and utter lack of sense in this she has had to live with this for two days, including be forced to take the bus and be in school with these boys. I'd made her take the bus because I didn't know, but now I'm so worried it may have hurt her more. With a child like Little Bit it is so hard to know how things will go, because of her differences she may be able to get past it easier and with less damage then a "normal'' child, or it may make it so much worse. And I don't know how to figure that out except to wait and see. Making a deal could make it worse right now, but I can't ignore it either.

I could just scream right now. I know I'm being vague in details and that is just to protect Little Bit. It is easy to figure out who we are and I don't know where this is going and don't want to potentially cause more problems. All I will say is considering it was all second graders, four boys and my daughter, it is pretty bad. And if they were 12 years old or more they could be facing serious charges. Little Bit seems ok so long as she doesn't think she has to go back to school right now. She even wants to go to see her bio dad, which is really rare. So it's not ok but it's not super traumatized either.

Is there a wall I could pound my head against? It'd feel better then trying to figure all this out.

26 comments:

Sara said...

That is A Lot to take in and I am not in the situation!! I can only imagine what you are going through. Kids are so CRUEL sometimes you just want to take them somewhere and knock some sense into them. I was teased A LOT when I was in school so I know what your daughter must be going through:( It's a very sticky situation too since there is only so much you can do without sitting right next to her at school all day. So yes the boys parents do need to be in every part of this because that is where the kids are getting their morals---SOMETHING drastic needs to be done!! The PARENTS need to step in and take responsibility for their children. So many parents just say "oh well that is just childhood teasing no big deal". Meanwhile the victim(more or less) is being stripped of their self worth.

Keep fighting Cara!!

You are in my prayers!

Lindsay said...

I feel your frustration and pain reading this. I really hope that your actions will help prevent this in the future for both your child and others. Have you thought about requesting that she change schools now rather than when you move (depending on how far you were planning on moving). I have a number of friends in middle school and high school who were "out of district" aka from the next town over.

Sara said...

OK I didn't read well--saw that you are filing complaints and going to the superintendent. You are making a difference--please know that! If you keep fighting that will help the next child whom may get teased,harassed, or whatever your daughter went through. Teachers and other faculty just don't make this kind of thing a priority to deal--maybe now they will because of you! (Sorry I misread that in the last comment I made,my 2 1/2 yr old is getting cranky:/)

tracy_a said...

just - hugs. you are such a good momma.

Little Lady Patchwork said...

Oh Cara! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Just know that we are here if you need a shoulder or ear to listen.

XOXO,
Stefanie

Laura said...

Oh Cara, big HUGS to you and hoping you can resolve this and that your daughter is ok too.

amber said...

Praying fo you and your family.

Flo said...

Wish we had some answers for you. Just know that if you give her the love and support that you are doing, that is what she will remember and know. She needs to feel safe, and with your love around her she will.

Flo said...

Wish we had some answers for you. Just know that if you give her the love and support that you are doing, that is what she will remember and know. She needs to feel safe, and with your love around her she will.

Janet said...

You really do need to persue this.
This school dropped the ball big time. It doesn't matter that you may move. You are doing this for Little Bit and any other child who may be a victim. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Pokey said...

As a teacher, I work constantly against mean spirited behavior. It's so easy as a teacher to not see/hear everything said and done between the students. I'm always trying to teach that kindness matters, and the fact that NO ONE has the right to be mean to another person.
As a Momma, I'm sorry for your struggles with the school, and admire your love to see this through.
Prayers for your family in this situation! Pokey

The One and Only said...

All I can do is give you and LB lots of {{HUGS}} with XOXOXOXO (hugs and kisses) in between....I'm sorry you have to go through this...

Pauline said...

Firstly, I'm glad the community services officer has been called in and that the boys' parents have been spoken to.

Unfortunately, in my humble opinion, in most cases, children learn to become bullies in their own home by the treatment they receive from their own parents and before they even start school.

Our school has implemented a policy of making the perpetrator spend the day in the focus room with the asst principal at the first instance of bullying.

However whilst they do notify the targeted child's parents, unless the bullying is physical, they are reluctant to notify the bully's parents.

My son is a great child, he's outgoing and friendly and academically successful and something about this combination attracts the attention of bullies to him. So far this year (from Jan) I've had to twice speak to the school about anti-social behaviour towards him.

Anyway, in my opinion, the schools MUST take action so that bullies learn that whilst they make get away with this behaviour at home, it's not appropriate to behave like this at school (or anywhere else).

It's an uphill battle to stamp out bullying, because as I believe, it needs to stop in the home- and that requires long term and ongoing education of parents.

Off my soapbox now. (((Cara)))

Wendy said...

Gosh I'm so very sorry for Little Bit and you and your husband. Inadequate words, but all I have beyond God Bless you all, you'll stay in my prayers and sincere hugs to you all...oh man ... :{

hetty said...

If anyone's head needs pounding it certainly isn't yours, so stay away from walls. You are doing everything right. Trust yourself. Take care and enjoy the upcoming long weekend.

Quilterbee said...

My DD has Downs Syndrome and when she was younger the boys used to chase her on the playground until she was so weak she would fall down. This went on for quite a while before she told me. The principle told me boys will be boys and I told the principle this was going to stop today or I wouldn't stop complaining until he was fired. There are laws that protect your child and do you know that your child has a right to an aid in her classroom? The classroom had an aid but during recess the aid had her break and the recess monitor on the playground couldn't watch all the kids. That's not my problem. The next day there was a new monitor on the playground who's only job was to monitor my DD no other kid. As long as my DD attended this school so did the extra monitor. Problem solved.

I am sorry this has happened to your DD. Keep on the school's back they are responsible to keep your DD safe.

Vicky said...

It's good that you're taking it all the way to the top. These boys need to "suffer" the consequences of their actions! And the powers that be at that school need to understand that it's YOUR child and YOU are the only one who can make decisions that affect her.

Rebecca Woods said...

So sorry to hear about what has happened. Kids can be so cruel and nasty. My daughter unfortunately has been on the receiving end before. Keep fighting it. They should not get away with it. Thinking of you and yours.

DianeW said...

I agree with Quilterbee, I also have a son with Down Syndrome. He has a speech problem (does not talk much and hard to understand except for us) he would never be able to explain that he was having problems at school. I have to watch his actions and most of the time I can tell if he has enjoyed school or whatever activity he was doing. I did have problems with teachers one year but we transfered him to a different school. Quilterbee is correct that you can request an aid to be with your daughter all day. Schools will not offer one you have to request it and usually has to go through the Board of Ed. I am so for standing up for your childs rights. My heart breaks to know a child with disabilities has been taken advantage of in whatever way. If you need support, you have it from each and everyone of us. Let us know can we write letters to newspapers, teachers, principles, Board of Ed whatever we can do to help you, your daughter and your family.

Lis said...

I am so pleased you feel able to trust us with your feelings and what you and Little Bit are experiencing at the moment. I hope our comments are supportive and helpful to you. I don't think I can add much but you are both in my prayers and I honestly believe you are right in what you are doing. You have to stand up for your child in whatever way you can. There might be a hundred reasons why the bullies behaved as they did but that is the concern of their parents and not a reason for you to back off. I am an ex-teacher and know these situations can be difficult but the school must have a bullying policy and they should follow it. Keep at it and keep strong, Little Bit needs you.

Linda said...

I'm so sorry that your daughter and your family are going through this. I'll be keeping you in prayer. (And good for you for being a parent and doing the best you can.)

Anne D said...

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened. I know how protective we feel of our children and how hard it is when something happens to them. My thoughts are with you.I am very glad that you are following through on the behaviour.

SheilaC said...

I am so sorry that your daughter and your family are going through something like this.
Keep after the school and the district to do the right thing... It IS the squeaky wheel that gets noticed...

good luck!
SheilaC

sandra said...

I am so sorry to hear about Little Bit, this bulling just has to stop it is so harmful. good for you going after everyone you can and especially the parents. Even though it is a difficult road to go be strong and get the results you want. I will be praying for all of you. Hugs

Sandy said...

I'm so sorry for you and LB. It just makes me ill to know that she has had to go through something like this and that the people that we trust our children with for so much of the day have done nothing to protect her.The school has a responsibility to keep children safe while they are there and the fact that you were not informed immediately about the situation is thoroughly unacceptable.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little girl.
You should not continue to beat yourself up about making her get on that bus and go to school.You had no idea that this was happening to her (the school made sure of that),you would have never made her go if you did.Keep fighting for her and know that by doing so you are hopefully stopping anything like this from happening to another little girl or boy at that school.
Take care!

Kelley O said...

I always taught my daughter the most important #1 rule there is - Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, Never say or do anything to someone else that you wouldn't want said or done to you. It's a shame that all parents don't teach their children this, it would save a lot of heart ache in the end. Keep up the good fight, parents like you make a difference in the end.